21≈≈≈≈≈

You’re probably wondering why this blog is titled “21 squiggle squiggle… etc.”. I’m sitting here, in bed, on this cloudy Sunday morning trying to figure out what this update should be titled. I just awoke and have not had any coffee. My 2 pound Yorkie decided to walk all over the laptop keyboard and since I have no idea how she made these fancy double squiggle lines, I decided to keep her masterpiece. We can call it Emmacello.

This week I felt surprisingly great. I went to work each day, made it to Pure Barre, had dinner with some girlfriends Friday night, and even took a road trip up to Woodstock with my hubby and pup on Saturday. For the most part, I feel like my normal self, like nothing is even wrong with me.  However, Wednesday morning I awoke and made breakfast for my hubby and I. After he left for work I started getting ready for work myself and began to fix my hair. When I ran my fingers through my bed head I was surprised to find a large clump of hair tangled between my fingers. “This is it, it’s starting” I thought to myself. The hair loss is extremely emotional for me. I think I’ve obsessed more about this than the cancer itself. Vein, no.  “It will grow back” I can’t tell you how many times people have said this to me…. and I appreciate pointing out the upside of this situation; that it’s not permanent. But unfortunately, it does not make me feel better. I know and am aware it will grow back, but while going through this stage, it’s borderline traumatizing to watch clumps and clumps of your hair fall out of your head.  One of my girlfriends had the perfect response “It sucks and it blows, Danielle” and THAT made me feel better. Just the acknowledgment that it is a stinky situation. Thanks, Jo 😉

On another note, my itching is GONE! The night sweats are GONE! and my day sweats are GONE! ALL GONE! The swollen lymph nodes on my neck have minimized. I can’t really feel them unless I poke and prod. It’s amazing! Also, every morning around 2am, like clockwork, I would awake to use the bathroom. The mass on my ovary was big enough to put pressure on my bladder. For the last three nights, I have not woken up to pee! I have to remember that while I’m losing my hair, the chemotherapy is working and it’s doing its job AND THAT’S WHAT MATTERS! The hair will grow back 😉 lol i know, i can be indecisive about my feelings but if I didn’t brain wash myself on all the positive things that can come out of this, I’d probably never leave my house or write this blog.

My second chemo session starts Thursday of this week. I’m a little nervous about starting again because I know the cycle that follows suit but I can’t worry about that right now. I’m going to drink some coffee, play with my pup and enjoy this lazy Sunday but first, Barre class… I’m just a little obsessed.